Monday, September 2, 2002
Hey all:
Hope all you guys had a great Labor Day weekend, I did for the first time in a very long time. I basically spent the day lounging around the house, working on my sites, and watching a little college football. However it's not a perfect world, perfectionism simply doesn't exist. I've had trouble sleeping lately, maybe it's because I'm no longer taking Resterol, or Risperdal for sleep. I'm going to take a small dose of Nyquil tonight that always seems to work for me when I really need a good nights sleep. Other then that life's great, I'm working really hard on pursuing my online business ventures. I'm still taking 500mg of Depacote in the morning, and 500mg mid afternoon. I'm also taking 100mg of welbutrin time released version in the morning, and 1mg of Klonapin either at night, or in the morning depending on how I'm feeling. Well, it's around 10:30pm here in Good ol Sunny SanDiego, and I'm getting ready to call it a day.......See Yah

Tuesday, Septemeber 3, 2002

What's up:

Guys, and Gals hope everyone had a great day considering the fact if your an investor like myself, the Dow was down 350 points....ouch while the Nasdaq was down 50points ouch again. Other then that my day was great, I worked out, read a couple articles on How to start you own online business, and basically just had another chill day. as I write this, I feel everyday I'm geting more in touch with myself, my surroundings, and the medication which I will proably take for the rest of my life. I'm also thinking about starting my FREEWANER Health site tonight. I cant believe it, my web hosting service shut my page down today becasue if recieved so many hits......amazing I guess that's kind of a good thing considering the fact I'm still very new to this. However if this becomes a persistent problem in the future, I'm going to have to go with a paid provider. Which really isn't abig deal considering I could get a fairly good web hosting service for around $7.00 a month. Well ladies, and gentelmen it's time for me to go......cant wait to hear from you guys.

Friday, October 25, 2002

Gee, where do I begin today's journal entry? More appropriately where do I end today's Journal entry? As I stated if you bothered to read my homepage, I was feeling absolutely fantastic after getting out of the hospital in July. The doctor put me on Depacote, wellbuterin, and a host of other medications discussed on my home page. Well to make a long story story short after three months of feeling great I CRASHED two weeks ago. I spent 10 days in the hospital, while the doctors readjusted my meds. I'm now on Lithium1800mg a day 100mg of wellbuturin, 5mg of Prozac, and Clonazepam. I'm also taking 0.25 mg of Risperdal before sleep. I'm feeling great once again, however the infamous question is "For how long". I'm learning more and more everyday about the disease in which I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I'm currently drawing an outline for a new Bipolar Web site which is going be awesome once it's finally completed. So With that I'm signing off, hopefully tomorrows journal entry is as positive as today was.....see yah(: well what you know it's 4:00am, and I'm still burning the midnight oil! My Moms tends to think this provokes a CRASH, I guess will just have to wait and find out. I'm not saying all of this to spite my mom, in fact nothing could be further from the truth! However I'm going to document everything I do in reference to taking my med's, working out, what I eat, how much sleep I get, and even how much time I'm spending on activities that I've been prone in the past to in an over zealous manner while going through "Hypo Mania". I need to be aware of these patterns, so when the inevitable does occur (CRASH), I'll be more aware of the triggers. This is all such a HUGE learning process for me, and there's so much to learn it's unbelievable. There's times when I feel alone, scared, wondering what the world has in store for me, and ofcrouse when that BOMBS going to go off! However I have to stay positive, and remember I'm a winner, and I can't let this this disease, and the stigma that's attached to it ruin me! Well I guess I better go to bed, at least tomorrows Saturday and I can sleep in .....night

Monday, October 28th

Well so far so good I've been out of the hospital a week, and feel great! I'm really relaxed not sure if thats a result of the Clonazepam, or the Lithium. Anyways I'm going make this one short for I've been having trouble( FTP) ing stuff to the web, I'm sure it's something really stupid as these problems usually are. Take care I'll be posting again tomm(: Also My theory in reference to keeping a small amount of an SSRI in your system like Prozac 5mg a day may also have something to do with the way I'm feeling..........time will tell!

Friday, November 1st

Wow what a difference two weeks makes huh? Two weeks ago I felt like putting a "GAT" to my head and kissing my ass goodbye ...adios! I've been stable now for two weeks on the same med's, so if anything changes I'll let you guys know, if you guys exist? I hope in the near future my new page will be both uplifting, and educational. I'm OUTS before Dreamweaver MX cuts my connection off for the billionth time tonight dam.

Monday, November 4th

I'm not really sure what happened today? I think I'm just simply experiencing "Healthy Normal mood Fluctuations", in reference to my cognitive state.! I've been kind of "Down" all day, however I think I know why. The school I wanted to attend cost way to much $$$, so instead of immediately looking into other schools, I felt this sense of loss inside. I don't know sometimes I think it's a result of everything that's occurred over the last 6 months. I've always been a salesmen however, now my true love is computers! My primary goal is finishing up my bachelors degree, and then deciding on what school is the most economically viable for me. It sucks when you get sick, you have to depend on other people for help. Often times others don't understand the disease, because of the way I disguises it so remarkably well. I feel angry, sad, frustrated, for who could imagine at age 26 they would be living with their parents! I'm tired, it's been a long day, and sleep is definitely important right now. I'm going to do a little reading then go to bed. Also I increased my Lithium 300mg, so hopefully I'll notice a difference tomorrow! Good Night!

Tuesday, November 5th

I woke up this morning at 8:00am sharp, and felt horrible for about the first 15 minutes. However after a cup of coffee, I was rearing and ready to go the gym. I went to the gym, and had a good workout. I came home had two cans of Tuna, with two baked potatoes plain. I think I might have went through a "Healthy Normal Mood Fluctuation" Yesterday because I consumed way to much sugar, and caffeine the prior two days. I read an article today on increasing protein intake, and complex carb intake so I'm going to follow that regimen for a while. I need to upload a Microsoft Excel Spreadsheet which will document everything in a more precise manner.

10:00pm I dont know today was an extremely long day! I felt tired most of the day not really sure what that's attributed to? I might be going through a mild depression, however only time will tell. I took an extra 20mg of Prozac hopefully that might give me a quick pick me up. I'm wondering if my bodies now paying the price for staying up all night last tuesday? I did manage to eat really well and stay away from the "Sweets". This disase is so unpredictable one minute your fine and the next minute littterally if feels like your in the dumps of desparity. My central goal is to retain stability in my life once again, finish college this semester, and decide what I want to do in reference to a job. I'm tired so Good Night(:

Wednesday, November, 4th

It took me an eternity to get up this morning. I set my alarm clock for 7:15am, and didn't get out of bed till 8:45am. I feel extremely tired. very little motivation.......when is this going to end? I feel alone trapped in a world in which no one can see what my eyes capture. It's kind of like taking pictures with a bad camera....well that's what my eyes do they take pictures these days! I'll update my progress later on as the day progresses, for I'm simply just going to be studying for a test today at home. I have got to figure out why it's so difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning, and get my day going? If this doesn't improve over the next two days I'm going to give my psychiatrist a call.

Well I made it through the day okay. I ended up going to the library to study for this psych test I have on Friday which is sure to be a killer! I didn't feel that great, however I forced myself to go....what do you know I survived. I then came home around 9:00pm, and decided I needed to release some endorphins. I workout for a solid hour, and my mood did change a little. I have more energy now currently as I type this journal entry at 11:00pm, then I did all day after four cups of coffee. Tomorrows plan is to wake up at 7:30am, get to the gym by 8:30am, and then come home read a little then meet with my study group at school. That's it for tonight GOOD NIGHT(:

Friday, November 6th

Well I must say I felt ten times better both thursday, and Friday then I did on Wednesday! I had a lot more energy, motivation, etc. However today when I was taking my Psychology test my hands started to shake. It got so bad that I had to ask my professor if she would give me more time to complete the test as a result of my hands shaking so furiously. I managed to complete the test however writing was extremely difficult...not sure what that was attributed to maybe anxiety? I took a Klonopin, and my hands stopped shakeing about 15 minuts later, unfortunately this time I wasn't saved by the bell! I didn't have an adequate amount of time to thoughraly look over my test ......I pray I did okay! Until Next time ...cheers.

Tuesday, November 12th

Today was a sunny beautiful day in Southern California. The reason I'm mentioning the weather is simply I want to see if there's a correlation between my moods, and the weather. I slept 8.5 hours last night, and started writing down How I feel on a daily bases, in a mood log. My moods cycled a little bit today, however nothing that wasn't contrallable.Im doing my best to keep regular sleeping patterns, and eating extremely well. I've also started drinking more water, after I read some startling information about the harmful effects of not having enough water in your system! My goal this week tonight infarct is to meditate, and clear my mind of all the impurities. I really want to learn how to do this effectively, as well as take some yoga classes. Well that was my day in a nutshell....Bye:

Tuesday, October 27

I've woken up the last couple mornings with a pounding headache, I'm not really sure what that's attributed to? It could be the tegretol, who knows however the headache seems to subside after I've been awake for a while. I've also noticed that my hair growth all over my body seems to be growing much faster then usuall.Cafergot seems to kill my headache along with a little caffeine. My goal today is to drop off all the SSD stuff, mail the Flash book out, and workout tonight.